


If You Love Something, Let It Go

by tommysinful



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Niall, Break Up, Friends to Lovers, Jealous Zayn, M/M, Niall-centric, Protective Zayn, Suicide Attempt, Top Zayn, Underage Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 02:58:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4770905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tommysinful/pseuds/tommysinful
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall's father isn't too happy with who his son has chosen to date. Lots of things go wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Love Something, Let It Go

Do this, do that, do what I say and don’t ask questions.

That’s all Niall Horan ever heard from his parents. His mother wasn’t too bad, she’d just agree with his father because she was the doting wife who believed her husband had the best intentions for their only son. Niall’s father did have the best intentions but he was also a bit of a prat when it came to his teenage son and he also ruled with an iron fist. However, Niall at sixteen was quite lucky, when he had come out to his parents there was of course some time where they had to get used to it but about a year later they were fine with it. Glad even that Niall could be himself and do what he wanted, safely of course.

In fact, mainly his mother, would ask him about boys and if he fancied anyone and Niall would blush and tell them that if he did he’d tell them.

The thing is was that he did in fact fancy someone. He fancied him very much. And what his parents didn’t know was that Niall had had a boyfriend for almost two years now, his name was Zayn Malik and he was the token ‘badboy’ of the school. He smoked, he drank, had loads of tattoos and skipped class. He wore a leather coat and tight shirts and didn’t give a fuck about anyone.

Except Niall.

He was actually a good student, was smarter than people gave him credit for which was why he was still in attendance after skipping so often, Zayn made up the work in record time then would go sit and smoke in his car waiting for the final bell to ring and his bubbly blond boyfriend would come out and they’d sit and snog or talk to their two best friends, another couple, Harry and Louis.

In their small town everyone knew everyone somehow. Either their kids went to school together; they were neighbors, co-workers, just anything. Everyone knew about the Malik’s. They were a nice bi-racial family that lived in the less than nicer part of town, Mrs. Malik was a stay at home mom while Mr. Malik worked in the offices and they had three girls and one boy, the boy being the oldest and that was Zayn.

Rumors spread of his behavior, how he was caught more than once sneaking into places he shouldn’t have, multiple underage drinking charges and whatever the parents didn’t hear from other parents, they heard from other kids. That’s why Niall never mentioned Zayn to his parents, the things they had said about him, being a horrible son and causing trouble and that he was just a bad person had Niall tight lipped to the entire thing. He loved Zayn and the boy returned the sentiment at least once a day, call it teenage hormones or whatever but the two were in fact madly in love with each other, had been since the very beginning, and that’s why Niall never mentioned it after hearing his parents tut the Malik’s parenting skills and what a disgrace Zayn was.

No one other than Louis and Harry knew of Zayn and Niall’s relationship, Zayn had once said that it wasn’t anyone’s business who had a hold on his heart; Niall blushed severely at that as his “Zee” as he called him gave him a crooked grin and a quick kiss in the car.

Back to his parents telling him what to do. One day after school he had gotten a note in science that his father was going to pick him up today and not have to worry about getting home. Niall usually had Zayn drive him, or Harry or he’d just walk, didn’t really matter. This surprised him because his father should have been at work but he shrugged and as the final bell rang, out of habit, he walked over to where Zayn’s car was parked, hell on wheels, the cherry red mustang he had done very naughty things in was sat in its usual space with smoke coming from the open window.

The door opened and out stepped Zayn, heavy boots and ripped jeans, his usual leather coat hanging off his lovely shoulders and a white t-shirt hugging his every curve. He smiled with his heart breaking stubble and white teeth and Niall melted into the embrace. He smelled like spices, cologne and tobacco and it was definitely Niall’s favorite scent.

“How was school babe?” Zayn asked lowly between them and quickly pecked him on the lips. They were careful about their affections towards one another in public, alone they couldn’t be stopped. Late nights sneaking out to meet up at a park or the abandoned mill near the river or just hanging out at Harry’s or Zayn’s place is where they acted truly like a couple. In school they acted like really close friends much to the confusion of most of the student body.

“The usual, blah blah here, blah blah there, you’ll need this later in life shit. Which I call bollocks on cause I’ll never need to know how to find the volume of a triangle.” He shrugged his shoulders and leaned against the car, Zayn did the same and skillfully intertwined their fingers but they were blocked by Niall’s open green hoodie.

“Soon enough we’ll be outta here, then we can do whatever we want.”

“True.”

“Are we waiting for Lou and Haz then? Do they need a ride?” He looked down, his large brown eyes were soft and open and his jet black hair wasn’t in its usual quaff but rather messy and bed head looking, Niall preferred it that way.

“I don’t know where they-“

He was cut off by a loud “NIALL HORAN!”

He turned around to see bright blue eyes with caramel fringe running full speed at him, he barely had enough time to catch his impish friend in his arms, “Uh hi Lou?”

The smaller boy pulled away, “Hazza’s being mean.” He pouted as Harry came into view, curls everywhere, a grin on his face and green eyes bright, “Sup mates?”

“Alright Harry?” Zayn asked as he lit up another cigarette.

“What did you do Harry?” Niall asked.

“Nothing I just told-“

“He said my bum looks big in these pants!” Louis turned around in his chinos and lifted up his button up shirt that was untucked to reveal the swell of his bum.

“Well, Lou you do have a big ass.” Zayn shrugged and Harry high fived him.

“Trying to call me fat Malik?” The boy, smallest of the group yet still the biggest in presence hit his arm, Zayn only chuckled.

“One, don’t hit my boyfriend yeah? Two, Louis you know you’ve got a big bum. We all know this, sometimes I feel it’s the only reason Harry’s still with you.”

Louis looked like someone had slapped his mother right in front of him.

“Traitors! All of you! Harry! You’re not with me just for my bum are you?” He turned with another pout and a voice he kept for only Harry, kind of whiny but endearing. Harry pulled him into a hug and kissed him hard, the original confrontation completely forgotten.

“Course not boobear, the bum is just an added bonus.” He grabbed it and squeezed getting Louis to squeak-he’d never admit he did-and push away.

“You lot are the worst. I’m going home, got loads of work to do anyway.” And Louis began walking away with Harry coming after him and you could hear the two laughing all the way to Harry’s car a few spots down.

“Why are we friends with them?” Niall turned to face Zayn who now had his sunglasses on from the afternoon sun and was still in his position and was rubbing circles with his thumb into Niall’s palm, the blond shuddered.

“They were your friends to begin with, kind of a package deal dating you.” Zayn shrugged and silenced Niall’s apparent rebuttal by kissing him correctly this time. Most of the parking lot had filed out and the only people close enough weren’t paying attention. Pulling away, “You ready to go? My place for some pizza and beers?”

Zayn was looking at Niall and under any other circumstance he would’ve already been in the car with his hand safely back in Zayn’s and bouncing in his seat at the prospect of pizza, booze, his boyfriend and a Friday night.

“Sorry babe but I can’t, me dad’s picking me up for some reason.”

“Why?” Zayn looked almost insulted.

“I don’t know, was told he was picking me up. Wonder where he is actually.” Niall pondered to no one as he turned his head looking around and pulling into the drive he saw his father’s SUV pulling into the lot, “There he is.”

Niall waved down his father and the older man pulled up behind the mustang and as Niall turned he saw apprehension in Zayn’s eyes, he had lifted his sunglasses to squint in the light, and Niall whispered to him, “I’ll text you later yeah? Hopefully can get out of whatever we’re doing and see you tonight.”

He hugged Zayn and inhaled his scent kissing his neck, “I love you Zee.”

“Love you too NI.” The taller boy squeezed back and with a smile and wave hopped into his father’s car and watched Zayn shrink into the distance and watched him through the side view mirror get into his car and peel out of the lot.

“So who was that?” His father’s voice automatically asked.

“Well hi to you to dad,” he chuckled, “he’s just a friend of mine.”

“Uh huh, looked a bit more than just friends there Niall.” His father looked over with a smirk. Maybe his son had finally found a nice bloke, which made Mr. Horan smile more.

“Nah, nothing more than friends.”

“What’s his name then? All I’ve ever heard you talk about friends is Harry and Louis. How are they by the way?” His father turned down the street and was nearing their house.

“Lou and Harry are fine. Um, his name’s Zayn.” He casually said not thinking about the baggage that came with that name.

His father slammed on the breaks turning a corner onto their street, “Zayn Malik?”

Niall looked over to see his father’s knuckles white on the steering wheel and jaw clenched looking straight ahead. A bit of an overreaction if you asked Niall, he knew that Zayn wasn’t exactly favored in this town but no one had a response like that.

“Uh yeah, why?”

“Stay away from that boy.” His father looked him dead in the eye as a car honked behind them and Mr. Horan began driving again. Niall stayed silent as they pulled into the driveway.

“Why dad?” Niall asked not knowing if he wanted to hear the answer.

“Because he’s a bad kid, you know that. He’ll get you into trouble and god only knows what else and I will not have my only son wind up in jail because of that hoodlum.” He turned the truck off and was about to leave but Niall felt flares of anger ignite in his chest and he wanted to protect his boyfriend’s honor.

“You don’t even know him dad. He’s a good person; he’s actually one of the best people I know.” He said almost defiantly.

“Niall James Horan, he is nothing but trouble, you know what you’ve heard about him and I don’t want you getting mixed up with him. I don’t know what he’s told you and lied about but that boy will result in nothing but a jail sentence or six feet under before he’s twenty. Stay. Away. From. Him.” He enunciated the last part by pointing his finger closer and closer, “This conversation is over. You are to never see, speak or anything regarding him again. You understand me young man?”

Niall knew when to fight and knew when to shut up, with his father it was always the latter, “Yes sir.” His voice was quiet and subdued and defeated.

“Now come on, I have someone I’d like you to meet.” His father’s demeanor was back to its normal laid back self, that’s where Niall got it from. He closed the door and left Niall in the truck and turned when the boy didn’t get out and waved him in with a wide smile mouthing “come on”.

“He didn’t lie about anything. You don’t know him.” Niall mumbled out grabbing his school bag.

He followed his father into the house and he could hear chatter coming from the kitchen. There were more voices, a very distinct female accompanying his mother’s and another male’s as well. He walked behind his father to enter the kitchen and saw his mother holding a glass of wine with another woman about her age; the other man seemed rather nice and a bit formal for a social house gathering and sitting quietly was a boy.

He had short brown hair; a long buzz cut really, sort of bushy eyebrows, large brown eyes and a birthmark on his throat.

“Ah this must be Niall! Your father told me so much about you!” The man stepped forward and shook his hand, the woman smiled and raised her glass to him and the boy simply looked on with a small tug of a smirk then his eyes went back down to his hands.

“Niall love, this is Mr. & Mrs. Payne. Mr. Payne works with your father at the firm.” His mother pointed to the man who still had a grasp on his hand. He pulled away slightly to indicate that this handshake was over. “And this is their son Liam.”

Liam’s eyes went up and met with blue and he waved and gave a very shy smile. He was cute definitely. Nice smile, plump lips, even sitting you could see his broad frame and biceps waiting to be flexed in his shirt. If Niall didn’t have Zayn, he definitely would be checking this Liam kid out.

“Okay, well it’s nice to meet you. But um, I’ve got some homework to do so I’ll just…” Niall motioned behind him but his father stopped him.

“Son, they’re new in town and Liam doesn’t know anybody, we were wondering if you’d be so kind as to hang out with him, get to know him.” His father’s eyes were telling him to, like it wasn’t even an option.

Niall looked back over where Liam had this adorable blush to his cheeks and nibbling his bottom lip, “Uh sure thing then. Come on Liam, I’ll show you my room then.”

He didn’t wait for this kid to follow but could hear his footsteps soft on the carpet of the stairs and opened his door waiting for Liam to follow. He tossed his bag onto the desk and turned to see Liam standing awkwardly in his khakis and plaid shirt looking lost, “You gonna come in or stand there?”

“Oh sorry.” Liam stuttered out quickly and shut the door behind him and just stood there.

“You can sit down ya know.” Niall was pulling out some worksheets he needed done and began to write down the answers, “Sorry Liam, this’ll just take a minute. Make yourself comfortable.”

“Okay.” He heard Liam walking slowly around him guessing this boy was the timid skittish type so he left him to his own devices. After a few minutes and most of his work done he heard Liam ask quietly behind him, “Niall, is that your guitar?”

The blond turned in his seat and smiled at his most prized possession, “Yeah.”

“Would you mind if I-I mean I’m no expert but I can play a few things.”

“Knock yourself out, just be careful yeah?” He waved and before he lost view of Liam he saw the boy nod.

Soon enough he heard some string being plucked and then humming then the boy began singing softly. He was really good at it too. Deeming enough work done for the day he turned, “You sing?”

Liam’s eyes went wide and he quickly was putting the guitar down.

“Nah, it was really nice. I sing myself. I’ve got an idea to break the ice and get that whole awkward first meeting over with.” Niall stood up and opened his closet door and procured his favorite kind of whiskey he always had a stash of and two shot glasses. The mini fridge under his desk held cans of Pepsi for chasers.

“Niall! What are you doing?” Liam heatedly whispered like they were doing something worse than shots.

“Shots mate, I don’t want to sit here and just stare at you weird. We’ll take some shots, get loose, maybe have a jam session and I can tell you’re a Mortal Kombat sort of bloke.” Niall motioned over to his television hooked up to the Xbox and stacks of games flanked a wall.

“You uh, got Marvel vs. Capcom?”

“Oh I like you already.”

The two then sat and took a few shots, Niall more than Liam, played round after round of games, Liam won most of them. Then they switched to Mario Kart and Niall whooped his ass on Rainbow Road and the two laughed, talked and it seemed like they had known each other forever really.

Niall found out Liam was a football star at his old school before moving and now he went to a private school somewhere near his home. He was kind, considerate and almost a goody two shoes except he did like to drink but his parents really didn’t know that.

“I’m still a teenager mate, just good at keeping up appearances haha.” He was pink cheeked and nudged Niall’s shoulders on their third round on the same track.

They played for hours eventually getting bored of it then switched to a jam session like stated before. The two of their voices were actually quite nice together, Liam could hit these high notes that no teenage boy should and Niall’s constant drum of the guitar and his own velvety tone mingled something beautifully in the room. The two of them got closer as the hours progressed and Niall found out even more. He had found out Liam did have a boyfriend back in his hometown but upon moving had to break up with him.

Niall consoled him and Liam just shrugged it off saying they weren’t together that long and they knew at the beginning of the relationship it wouldn’t last, mainly it was for someone to kiss and have meaningless sex with.

Niall was taken aback by how brash Liam was, he gave off this good boy persona but underneath it he was a normal teenage bloke. It was a while until Niall’s father called up to them saying Liam had to go home now and the two were smiling and laughing down the stairs.

“So I’ll see you around Ni?” Liam asked him nicely as their parents looked on fondly.

“Absolutely mate, next time I’m winning that race.”

“Keep dreaming.” He pulled Niall in for a hug and the family of three left as the Horan’s all waved goodbye to them. Niall was walking back upstairs when his father stopped him with a question, “So Liam eh? You like him?”

Niall shrugged, “Yeah, he’s a good guy. Real funny.” And left it at that.

XXXX

The months went on as usual. Niall would still meet Zayn after school or late at night to snog, talk and fuck in his car or sometimes his house when his parents were asleep. Niall never dared to bring Zayn over in the off chance he was caught, not after his father’s basic warning to stay away from him.

He’d hang out with Louis and Harry in classes, the ones they shared, and at home he’d hang out with Liam. The two boys would have heated rounds of races and fighting matches, the Payne’s were over for dinner at least three nights a week sometimes. After a while it was Niall going over their house and he sat in Liam’s room playing video games, singing along to whatever song they put on and getting closer as the days went on.

Niall spoke of Louis, Harry and even Zayn a few times. He rambled on and on about his perfect boyfriend with his tattoos and how he smoked like a chimney, had amazing skills as an artist and loved to work on his car. Liam looked at Niall in awe when speaking of Zayn, like he was some mystical creature or myth that couldn’t actually exist.

Niall asked Liam to never mention Zayn in front of his parents, he explained the stigma Zayn was in the town and Liam swore to keep it a secret. They even pinky promised-Liam’s idea-to keep it between them. The two got closer and closer as time progressed, fall turned into winter and just as the first thaw came about, the world turning back to green, he was fucking bored of school at this point.

He had just wanted out really, forever yes, but right now he wanted to blow the joint and go do something fun. So he quickly texted Zayn to meet him outside. Zayn was standing obediently by his car, smoke coming from his lips and he smiled with the cigarette in his mouth.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of my baby telling me to skip class? Thought you always bugged me to be in them.” His voice was playful as Niall hugged him and inhaled deep.

“Needed a break babe. I’ve missed you and uh, well I’m really fucking horny.” He leaned up and nipped at Zayn’s throat getting a low growl from him.

“My place? Think mum’s out shopping or something.”

“How about being a little reckless yeah?” His eyes were black with lust with only the faint hint of blue around the edges. Zayn arched an eyebrow.

Niall whispered to him, “Want you to fuck me on my bed this time.”

Zayn’s eyebrows nearly flew off his forehead, “Ni seriously?! I’ve never even been in your house!”

“Maybe your badboy-ness is rubbing off on me. Although I’d rather have something else rub off on me.” Niall was a minx today as he cupped Zayn’s groin that was already starting to swell.

They were both in the car in quick blurs and Zayn took off down the familiar streets to his boyfriend’s home, “Wait, what about your parents?”

“Mum’s at my aunt’s for a few days and dad’s in court.”

They made it to the house and within moments after the door clicking shut their mouths were attached. The lust was thick in the air as the two stumbled up the steps, teeth clacking and tongues rolling together and fingers bruising at this point.

“Nice place Ni-“ Zayn tried to talk but was cut off by Niall’s mouth.

“Shut up and fuck me.”

Zayn growled again and the two hastily removed clothing until they were a panting sweaty mess, their clothes tangled together on the floor and their limbs just as tangled. Both their cocks were hard and Niall’s was dripping from his foreskin onto his belly while Zayn lubed up his fingers. He circled Niall’s waiting entrance and pressed in without hesitation. Niall’s back arched and he gripped the sheets, his seven inch pale member throbbed and more precum leaked out.

Zayn’s eight inch cut cock was swollen and pinking, the olive skin muddled now as he scissored open his lover, he massaged the walls just the right way to have the blond soon shuddering and begging him to fuck him. Zayn was a bit of a tease so he kept rubbing around the velvety tunnel until Niall nearly slapped him, “Fuck me Zayn!”

Zayn then slathered on lube to his shaft and he moaned feeling the cool liquid against his heated skin and knew that his skin would face something hotter, the inside of Niall. Zayn brought his lips to connect to the puffy ones of his boyfriend as he circled the puckering hole.

“I love you.” Zayn whispered out as he pressed into the tight heat, the smooth undulating walls sucking in his cock like so many times before and he fit inside him perfectly with one easy motion. He slipped in as Niall let out a breathy groan then small gasp feeling Zayn’s, thicker near the head, shaft fully sheath inside him.

“I love you Zee.” He moaned out and reconnected their lips once more. Zayn began to slowly roll his hips with Niall’s legs now wrapped around his slim waist, the bottom scratched down his back and under the crease of his bum while Zayn sucked a dark mark to his shoulder. Zayn sped up hearing soft whimpers below him, they connected their lips again and the raven haired boy grunted into his mouth, the suction of Niall’s tunnel beginning to pull the orgasm from him.

“Oh god, so good baby.” Niall moaned as he ran his hands through black hair and rubbed his thumb through perfect stubble. He nibbled the boy’s bottom lip above him and stared deep into his brown eyes, the eyes that held everything for him.

Zayn kept his gaze as he sped up his intrusions, Niall’s cock swollen to rigid tissue and rubbing between their stomachs, both happy trails leaving strange yet pleasurable friction to his pink tip and creamy foreskin. The top began slamming his hips into Niall and he could feel they were both close, Zayn had that pull in his gut and Niall was clamping repeatedly and his cock was getting hotter with each rub.

“Zayn…” Niall let out involuntarily.

“Do it.” He commanded and brought their lips together, his tongue snaking its way into the hot mouth of him, Niall whimpered into the kiss and his cock pulsed and spat out white ribbons of spunk between them. The clamping of his walls and final absolution had Zayn cumming deep into Niall with gritted teeth.

“Fuck Ni.” He moaned out as his hips stuttered and his cock pulsed hot cum deep into Niall’s now puffy tunnel.

“You did and fuck that was fantastic.” He smirked and brought their mouths together again with Zayn beginning to soften inside him and their bodies sheen with sweat. Zayn’s hair had fallen and Niall’s looked like he had just woken up, their voices a bit ragged and muscles shaking from the aftermath of their lovemaking.

The two sprung apart by the bedroom door slamming open.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?” Came Mr. Horan’s booming voice.

Zayn flew off of Niall into a naked heap on the floor desperately trying to put on his underwear, Mr. Horan stepped in but Niall was fast and stood with a sheet wrapped around him, “Dad! Dad stop! I can explain!”

Zayn hastily put on his clothes and tripped a bit being pushed by Niall’s body being pushed by his father’s, “Explain what! Why my son was in bed with this scum!”

“Zayn run!” Niall turned to see Zayn with only his pants on, boots in hand and a scowl on his face, “NOW!”

Zayn slipped from behind Niall and out of the grab of Niall’s father. The older man did lunge for him but Niall grabbed his arm and was practically dragged into the hallway but let go hearing the front door slam. The familiar sound of screeching tires let him know that Zayn was safe.

But Niall wasn’t.

He was struck with a heavy back hand to the face and collided to the floor in a heap of sheet.

“I told you to stay away from that boy!” Kick to the chest.

“You disobeyed me!” Kick to the stomach.

Niall was raised by the scruff of his neck, he was naked and practically dangling off the floor, his father’s large hands wrapped around his neck and squeezed, “I come home after winning a huge case, rest of the day off and this is what I come home to! You in bed with that Malik disgrace! I will not have that under my roof! NOT HIM!”

Niall’s eyes were fluttering, his vision getting blurry and the blood rushed in his head making his ears pound. He was turning blue when his father dropped him to the floor.

“Niall James, you will never see that boy. Talk to that boy. Even think of that boy ever again, you understand me?! I don’t know what he did to you to get you in bed,” he stopped himself and walked over grabbing Niall’s arms and flipping them around.

“What are you doin?” Niall tried through coughs, his voice was gravel at this point.

“He drugged you didn’t he, the bastard. I’ll kill him! What’s he got you on? What did he make you do?!”

“Nothing.” Niall winced at the pain not only in his throat but also his chest and stomach, everything needed to breathe he couldn’t really use.

“Bollocks, I’m phoning the police, you don’t have to lie for that piece of shit.” He turned to go away but Niall found the strength to get up and trying to be modest quickly slipped on his underwear. His father was downstairs in the entrance way, phone in hand when Niall grabbed it and threw it at the wall, “He didn’t do anything!”

“Yes he did, probably slipped you something, injected you. My boy would never be with the likes of-“

“DAD I LOVE HIM!”

His father’s neck veins swelled and Niall truly feared for his life. His father wasn’t a violent man, up until ten minutes ago, nor was he easily angered but this time. He was someone else; he wasn’t Niall’s dad anymore.

“WHAT!? YOU WHAT?!”

Summoning courage Niall didn’t know where it came from, he slightly puffed up his chest, winced because of it, and then spoke calmly, “Dad I love him. And he loves me. He didn’t do anything to make me sleep with him, I brought him here.”

Niall’s father stepped closer, Niall stepped back.

“You dare bring that, that, that trash into our home!”

“Yes I did. I did because he’s my boyfriend.”

If eyes could pop out of heads, they would have. Mr. Horan’s blue eyes bulged out and quickly he crossed the space between them and backhanded Niall into the wall. The left side of his face was swelling and starting to darken in color.

“You take that back. You are not dating that filth! Niall, you know I have no problem you being gay but I forbid you to date that!”

“THAT?! THAT?! Why do you keep calling him such nasty things! You don’t know him!”

“Cause he’s a bad influence, you’ll get hurt by him! He’ll lead you down the wrong path! I don’t want my only son in jail or under the ground!”

Niall was running on adrenaline at this point, his father didn’t know Zayn at all. No one really did except for him, Louis and Harry, and Zayn’s family. Everyone just liked to believe what they heard and make up their own assumptions because he smoked, wore leather, had tattoos and didn’t really interact with others. He wasn’t a bad person at all, just misunderstood. Yeah he didn’t have the cleanest of records but Zayn stopped doing all that so called “hoodlum” shit ages ago right around the time he started dating Niall.

“Oh, I’ll get hurt by him? When you’re the one kicking the shit out of me?”

Mr. Horan’s hand came down again but this time it was closed fist and straight into Niall’s jaw. He felt it knock out of its socket and he hit the floor spitting up blood. Then there was a kick to his already sore chest, two more to his stomach and then it stopped with his father breathing heavy and looking wild above him. His dark hair was matted in sweat and at odd angles and it looked so strange for someone wearing a suit.

“Niall, I forbid you to ever see that boy again. Ever. You are no longer allowed out of this house unless it’s at the Payne’s or school, I will personally be picking you up from now on. Not even Louis or Harry anymore, I know they fuck off with that piece of shit Malik. Do you understand me?”

He kicked Niall in the chest again and the boy coughed up more blood. His left eye had started to swell shut and tears were making his vision blurry.

“DO YOUUNDERSTAND ME?!” Another kick.

“Y-yes.”

And his father turned away. Now Niall wasn’t usually so bold as to push buttons but he wanted this. If he was going to get his ass whooped by his father, it’d better be for the right reasons and not just being caught once in bed. Oh no, not just one reason would suffice.

“Tw-two years.” He wheezed out.

“What was that?”

“I’ve been wi-with Zayn two years.” He smiled for good measure, his head was throbbing and he couldn’t breathe but he didn’t care. He had the last word.

Technically his father did but it was more of a scream as he jumped on his son and beat him until the boy lay limp and unconscious.

XXXX

Two weeks Niall had to stay home and heal. His father refused to take him to a hospital; his mother didn’t ask questions but tended to her son. Both his eyes were swollen shut, jaw dislocated, two bruised ribs and everywhere from his hairline to his waist on his front was one massive bruise of swirled colors mixing from reds to sickly browns.

He had his phone and computer taken away-not like he could really use it since he couldn’t really see-so any interaction with anyone other than his parents was limited. Liam came over a few times to talk to him, Niall didn’t really feel much like talking, mainly because it was painful but also his father had threatened him about it.

One night after his mother had gone to sleep and his father “explained” what had happened, still didn’t know what he could have said to her to think these injuries were plausible, he came into Niall’s room and shook him awake and leaned down, “Niall, I’m not a violent man but this was the last straw. I don’t mind what you do but never with the likes of Zayn Malik. He’s no good and will only get you into trouble. If anyone asks you, you went motor wheeling and your bike flipped, that’s all. And if I even think you are even close to him, I’ll do this but worse to not only you but him.”

That was ominous enough and Niall dare not even try to go against it.

Sometime after the incident Niall could actually sort of move around and see a bit better, his father had gotten medical advice from a doctor friend of his and even had the man come over to look after Niall giving him pain meds and wraps for his bruised ribs, “Motor bike eh? Those things are dangerous.”

“Yeah, I told him that but my Ni never listens. You’ll listen better next time won’t you?” He looked expectantly at Niall who simply nodded.

Niall’s house was empty, his mother was shopping, father at work when he finally got up of his own accord to use the loo. It felt nice not having to have your mum or dad help you stumble down the hall and lower your pants. He relieved himself and took a look in the mirror. He looked like shit, the bruises had begun to fade but still there were marks around his throat, half his face was darker than the other, one eye bloodshot and his chest was red and orange and yellow splotches. He had only been able to be rag bathed so he knew he smelled bad, as did his room so he decided to strip the sheets and linens and toss them into the laundry bin.

It was a lot harder to redress the bed then it was to undress it, the uncomfortable stretching had him whining in pain but he had to do this, he reeked and was wallowing in his own filth. Also his own pity. He hadn’t heard from Zayn since then, how could he really? He was informed that both Louis and Harry had stopped by on several occasions but were basically told to bugger off. He was thankful they had at least brought him his school work so he didn’t fail out his last few months in school.

After the bed was made and tidied he went to shower. The water was painful against his tender skin but it kept his mind off things. Things like Zayn. He wondered if the boy thought about him, wondered about him, missed him even. He was pretty sure it was yes to all that. He missed his touch, missed his voice, his laugh, those large brown eyes framed by ridiculous lashes. The thing he missed most was his hands, the hands that slipped into his effortlessly and also his lips. Those lips were God’s gift to Niall, he swears by it.

Finally scrubbing himself clean-and smelling a whole hell of a lot better-Niall dried, rewrapped his sore ribs and climbed into crisp sheets and blanket. He was comfortable and for the first time since that encounter with his father, he slept of his own accord and not because of pain meds.

He dreamt of brown eyes and olive skin and tattoos and leather coats.

XXXX

It was a few hours later he was awoken to his name being called, well whispered really.

“Niall.”

“Niall.” He was shaken slightly.

He cracked open one eye to see brown eyes and dark hair and in his post dream/sleep haze his heart fluttered slightly but in the dim light of the room he noticed it was only Liam looking at him with a soft smile. Dammit.

“Sorry to wake you but your dad wanted me to come over and help you catch up on your work since you’re going back in two days.”

Niall looked over to see it was nearing six at night and the weight of having to get all the work he missed done came barreling through his head, “Ugh fuck me.”

“Sorry?” Liam leaned back to let Niall sit up and he rubbed his eyes, which fucking hurt so he quickly downed more meds on his nightstand and swigged from a bottle of water.

“Alright then, thanks for helping me mate.” He swung his legs out of the bed and made it to his desk to retrieve the stacks of papers.

“No problem, I’m best at history and science if that’s any help.”

Niall ruffled through the papers and the two began to work-Niall really did all of it, even though Liam was filling it out, he was still asking Niall most of the questions for the problems-and the two soon got through everything in record time. Niall was quite pleased and thanked Liam again for his help.

After an hour or two of putting things away Liam asked him, “Niall are you alright?”

“Yeah, just sore still but I’m okay.”

“No mate, I mean, are you okay?”

Niall stayed silent, he knew what Liam was implying. Liam was good at picking up things that weren’t said, Niall never mentioned Zayn anymore, looked almost scared to say his name and the excuse of the motorbike accident seemed almost rehearsed. He never gave detail, just said he flipped on it. That’s it.

“Ni, I know you’ve not been yourself after your accident,” he said it like he didn’t actually believe it, “I’d like to be here for you for whatever’s going on. You’re my best friend.” He smiled earnestly from the floor as Niall sat on the bed.

Niall smiled back at him but didn’t speak for a moment; the dull hum of music they had put on was the only sound in the room until Liam’s voice spoke again, “What’s this? Niall, when did you get a leather coat?”

Liam kneeled up holding a leather coat that had been pushed under the bed. Zayn’s leather coat.

Niall reached for it with wide eyes and grabbed it seeing a black t-shirt fall from in the folds of it. Zayn’s t-shirt. He brought the cotton to his face and inhaled, it smelled like Zayn. So did his coat.

It seemed almost ages that he had seen him, spoken to him and here he was wrapped in his scent again. He quickly pulled the shirt on over his wrapped chest and inhaled again. He hoped that maybe if the boy’s scent sunk into his skin it’d feel like he was here.

He wasn’t. He hugged the coat, squeezed it tight and buried his face in it just trying to hold onto something that was Zayn and not just in his head. Something he could feel. Something he could touch.

Niall burst into tears. Liam’s eyes went wide as the boy on the bed shook and sniffled and wailed into the leather.

“Niall, what’s wrong? Come on tell me.”

Niall broke down with Liam holding him close, the jacket held in his arms, and told him everything. Told him about what had happened. How Zayn and Niall were caught and how Zayn had run out of the house after Niall told him to.

Then he made Liam promise that no one else could know but that he didn’t flip a motorbike, his father had done that to him. His father had beaten him senseless because Niall had admitted to him that Zayn was his boyfriend of two years. He recounted the vile things he said to him, how he choked him until his vision blurred, hit him so hard he saw stars, kicked him till he couldn’t breathe.

Liam remained still petting through blond hair as the smaller boy wailed into his chest almost incoherently and confessed everything that had happened.

After his wailing subsided slightly he looked up with puffier eyes and snot running down his nose, “Li-Liam I love him s-so much and I can’t be with him. I don’t want that to happen aga-again. He said he’d do it t-to Zayn and I ca-can’t have that happen.”

“Shh, it’s okay love.”

“Liam I need someone here with me. I’m so tired of being alone. Zayn wa-was all I had.” The past tense was bitter on his tongue and caused bile to rise in his throat.

“I’ll stay okay? Would you like me to stay?”

Niall only nodded and slightly whimpered at Liam leaving the room.

Downstairs Liam had to keep his cool. He looked at Mr. Horan who seemed all too pleased to see him there, the monster, and smiled up at him, “Ah Liam, all done I take it?”

“Uh yes sir we are, I was wondering if it wouldn’t be too much trouble for me to stay the weekend? Niall’s been a bit lonely without me.”

The look on Mr. Horan’s face was of utter delight, “Of course my boy! I’ll go get some things for you right now!” And he was out of the kitchen faster than light.

Liam went back upstairs to see Niall shaking in his bed, covered by the leather coat and he slipped under the covers with him and the boy burst into tears again being held. The sound muffled by the leather but Liam could see his knuckles turning white where he gripped the edges. Soon enough Niall was asleep and Liam tucked the coat under the blanket to be near Niall and pulled the boy in gently to cuddle him from behind.

He was fast asleep with Niall safely protected in his arms as Niall’s father opened the door and set a bag down for Liam, he smiled at the two curled up in bed thinking to himself, ‘That’s who Niall needs. That’s who my son deserves.’

XXXX

The weekend went by in a blur, Liam never left Niall’s side, would cuddle him when he cried, get him tea-sometimes whiskey-when he asked for it and generally took care of him. If Niall’s father was even near him Liam would automatically gravitate towards him and put distance between the two Horan men. He’d protect Niall if he had to.

Soon Sunday night came around and Liam had to go home and Niall was more than saddened at that. Liam was the replacement Zayn, nowhere near as good, but close enough. He had actually started to relax a bit but that night sitting in his room holding onto Zayn’s coat, his father came in and sat down his phone and computer on the desk then stood menacingly in the door.

“Nothing’s changed son, you are forbidden to see that boy ever again. I will be picking you up and dropping you off from school. No contact with him or Louis or Harry. Only Liam, he likes you, seems good for you. He’s a good boy.”

“Remember what I said, if you do anything with that Malik I’ll go after both of you and make sure he can’t heal. You understand?”

Niall nodded his head. The light bruises on his face hurt at the movement so he quickly downed more meds. As his father was leaving and closing the door he turned, “Oh and give that disgusting coat back to him. Probably stole it the shithead.” And left.

Niall cried himself to sleep because two articles of clothing was all he had left of his Zayn and tomorrow morning he had to give one up. He awoke in the early morning light and checked his phone-completely dead-then plugged it in. He was notified of 14 voicemails, 16 missed calls and over 100 texts. Most were from Zayn.

He couldn’t even look through them. He couldn’t listen to the voicemails. It hurt too much.

Niall knew that his life with Zayn, or the life they had wanted to have together, was over. He couldn’t even bear the thought of trying to sneak around-now he really couldn’t with being watched and under house arrest-and what would happen. He didn’t care if his own father beat him into a pulp but the thought of any harm happening to Zayn was insufferable.

He had to let him go. He knew it’d kill his Zee for Niall to just leave him but he had to. Had to hurt him to save him. Niall knew the same would be for Harry and Louis as well, they’d been best friends for years but at the sake of saving Zayn, himself and everyone involved, he’d do it.

‘If you love something, let it go.’ He thought as a few tears slipped down his cheeks deleting everything from his phone.

XXXX

The next day at school, as promised, his father dropped him off telling him he’d pick him up right there. He had his bag full of school work completed and the leather coat in his hand. He had snuck Zayn’s t-shirt into a drawer for safe keeping but even now the scent was starting to wear off. He headed to his locker and pulling out his necessary books he heard that voice he hadn’t heard in two weeks.

“Babe?” It was Zayn.

Niall didn’t say anything but hand him the coat from around the metal door, his head down and hood covering his face.

“Oh shit! Thanks Ni, thought I left it.” Zayn sounded happy enough without Niall around for two weeks. “Lou and Haz told me you got into a motocross accident and that’s why you were out? I didn’t even know you did that sort of stuff. Are you okay? I called and texted a million times to see if you were okay.”

Niall stayed silent and shut the locker door not even once glancing at him and walked away.

“Babe?” He heard Zayn jogging up behind him, he hugged his books closer to his chest and winced slightly, his chest was still a bit sore. He sped up.

“Niall!” Zayn yelled and gripped his arm turning him around.

“Why won’t you look at me? I’ve been worried sick, one minute I’m at your house, your dad flies in, I run then you’re out for two weeks? Come on love, what happened?”

Niall shook his head.

“Niall. Look at me.”

He shook his head again. All the bustling of students passing them in the halls. A tear or two slipped out of his eye because all in his head he was screaming ‘GET AWAY! DON’T LOVE ME ANYMORE BECAUSE I CAN’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE! DON’T MAKE THIS HARDER THAN IT IS! PLEASE ZAYN JUST GO!’

His body shivered feeling Zayn’s finger-his skin just as perfect as ever-hook under his chin and forcefully raise his head. Zayn gasped and Niall almost crumpled to the floor because there he was. Just like before, hair done up in a quaff, flawless olive skin, a little less stubble and those petal pink lips.

He squeezed his eyes shut, “Zayn, leave me alone.” It came out softer than he intended. Zayn apparently didn’t hear him.

“Niall, what happened? You’re bruised everywhere.”

“Motocross.” He couldn’t keep looking at those concerned brown eyes. A bit like Liam’s but those brown eyes technically had once belonged to Niall.

“Bollocks. You’ve never done it a day in your life.” Zayn pursed his lips and studied his face, and then a scowl etched his features reaching his neck. A blatant hand mark.

“He did this to you.” Zayn growled and dropped his hand and looked ready to kill.

Niall shook his head, “Zayn please,” he desperately whispered, “just go away. Leave me alone.”

He turned and took off before his boyfriend; well ex boyfriend could say anything more.

The rest of the day he avoided him, ducking out of hallways when he could, hiding behind others when he couldn’t. He kept his hood up and face low the entire day. In one class with Louis, his friend was badgering him and asking him what happened and through gritted teeth he told Louis to fuck off. Louis grumbled something about he could’ve at least called and left it at that.

The end of the day he was walking out the doors and was pulled away from the stairs, the scent gave off who it was. Leather, spice, tobacco.

“Niall, what happened? Come on, you can’t just disappear then tell me to leave you alone. What’s going on? I’ve been worried sick about you and when you come back I can’t even get an explanation? I know it was him who did this, I’m not stupid so please don’t treat me as such.”

Niall was trying to pull out of his grasp because he knew his father would be there any second, “Zayn please let go. We can’t do this anymore.”

“Can’t do what?” He had a firm grip on Niall’s bicep.

“Zayn please, just stop. We can’t do this anymore. He’s coming.” Niall began to whimper a little bit, he turned seeing his father’s SUV pulling closer now.

“Can’t do what? Us? Are you breaking up with me?” Zayn’s eyes flashed disbelief, fear, anger and above all pain. Absolute and utter pain. His face dropped and his mouth hung open slightly.

In about three seconds Niall’s father would see them, he somehow wrenched his arm away and nearly buckled again today just feeling Zayn touch him, “I’m sorry Zee.” And he scuttered off to see his father right on time.

“Ni?”

He heard it. Heard the laced pain in his voice. It was killing him, his body was already sore from his father’s beating but this was worse, this was a million times worse. He had called him ‘Zee’ and he didn’t even mean to. He buckled himself in and shadily watched Zayn slump on top of the stairs and look at the vehicle like it wasn’t actually happening. He had to turn away and bite his fist to not cry in front of his father.

He heard Zayn’s voice the entire rest of the day and night. How much pain and confusion was in one fraction of a word. How much he had thrown away because he was a coward. How much he was giving up just to save them both.

‘If you love something, let it go.’ Was the last thing he thought of before drifting off to a fitful sleep where he dreamt of nothing.

XXXX

Niall eventually turned his phone off. He was bombarded with texts and phone calls, mainly from Zayn again and some from Louis or Harry, being a masochist he read some of them:

Babe? Really? Come on, we can make this work.-Zee

Niall wtf mate? Why aren’t we friends anymore?-Lou

Zayn’s really upset, we’re your best mates remember?-Haz

Tell us something!-Lou

Niall, I love you so much, please don’t do this.-Zee

Come back to me.-Zee

Don’t leave me. I can’t do this without you.-Zee

Niall, I love you -Zee

He shut his phone because he couldn’t take it anymore. After a few weeks they just stopped. They stopped trying to talk to him in school as well. He would still duck around the halls and move as far away from Louis or Harry in class just to avoid anything and it became easy to avoid what used to be his boyfriend and best mates. His dad was prompt picking him up every day. They stopped trying.

He didn’t listen to any voicemails, the texts stopped, other than from Liam and he was hurting alright but he knew it was for the best. He had to let them go in order to protect Zayn. He was doing this for the benefit of Zayn, even if it was destroying the both of them.

Liam was around more often now. It was comforting to have something there instead of endless loneliness since he only had Zayn, Louis and Harry before. He had acquaintances sure but those were his three rocks. And those rocks were now broken into small bits of sand where even if he tried to pick it up, they’d just fall through the cracks of his fingers.

About a month after Niall had ‘broken up’ with Zayn, Liam was over and the two were drinking steadily from the bottle. Liam wanted to have a good time while Niall just wanted to forget. It was dark out, Liam was staying over again-he had made a habit of staying every weekend now-and the two were tipsy as all hell. Liam was telling a story of some kid at his private school chucking an eraser at the teacher and a giant cloud of chalk dust erupted out of it and he thought it was the funniest thing ever.

Niall was laughing more at the way Liam’s face crinkled and his teeth were shone wide as he cackled, he quite liked Liam like that, he enjoyed his smile and how his eyes would hide when he smiled wide. Then he started looking at Liam as not just a friend but a companion. Liam was there for everything lately-mainly because he was the only one there-but still he was. He genuinely enjoyed Niall’s company and the feeling was mutual. Didn’t hurt the fact that Liam was in fact attractive.

“Liam, could I ask you a question?”

Liam was wiping his eyes letting his giggles subside, “Sure go ahead.”

“Do uh, do you fancy me?”

Liam looked down and shrugged, the atmosphere of the room changed and Niall thought of how stupid he was to ask that. Liam was his friend what the fuck man, are you daft or-

“Yeah.” Came Liam’s low tone.

Niall’s eyes widened, “Really?”

He was met with big brown eyes, almost familiar but not, “Yeah Niall, you’re wicked. You’re smart and you’re incredibly funny, you make me laugh all the time. You’re uh, you’re really cute too.” Liam blushed.

Without thinking Niall leaned over across the floor where they sat cross legged and kissed him. Liam’s eyes opened wide as the blond pressed his lips against the smooth ones of his friend. They felt foreign but it was nice, it was comforting to be able to kiss a boy again. The alcohol swirled in his veins as something like contentment flowed through his head and Niall figured he could get used to this.

Then Liam started kissing back, he tentatively slipped his tongue into Niall’s mouth, he tasted like whiskey and citrus-Niall’s mind slightly missed tobacco and mint-but pushed the thought out of his head as the two deepened the kiss to where Liam was laying on top of Niall. His wounds had healed but Liam was still tender with him, still gentle.

Niall missed being sort of manhandled. Made to know what he was going to have. Made to feel like when Zayn would…Stop.

This was Liam and this was nice. He began to whimper into the boy’s mouth and let his fingers run through his short brown hair, felt his broad chest and meaty shoulders pressed into him, his defined torso and sides that he left rakes of nail marks down.

The door opened and a throat clearing brought the two boys apart quickly, there stood Niall’s father with a shit eating grin on his face, “Sorry to interrupt boys, just letting you know we’re all going out for dinner tonight. We left you some take out in the kitchen. Don’t get up to too much trouble.” And he shut the door.

Liam looked like he’d been caught doing something much worse as Niall lay back down and huff.

“Sorry about that.” Liam piped up and moved to sit on the bed.

Niall was confused and sat next to him, “I kissed you remember?”

Liam shrugged. Niall leaned in again and kissed him this time more heatedly and soon they were almost completely naked in Niall’s bed with stiff groins and roaming hands and gasps of pleasure. Liam’s hand snaked down behind the blond and began to knead his ass, Niall pulled away, “Sorry I just-I can’t yet.”

“Okay, that’s fine. No pressure, I promise.”

Niall leaned his forehead against Liam’s, “You’re really something else Liam Payne.”

“I try.” He shifted and Niall felt his cock through his boxers, hard and ready.

“We could uh, try something else? I just, I just want to take this slow. I do fancy you.” He let his calloused hand run down Liam’s chest, he grazed over a nipple and heard the boy’s breath hitch, he then dragged it down his amazing abs and slipped his hand under the waistband. Liam moaned feeling Niall’s hand wrap around his length, he was thick and about seven inches long with a tight foreskin around half the tip of his cock and Niall began to pump his shaft.

It felt weird touching someone else’s dick when you’ve only been touching two your entire life, one of those being the past two years. He pushed the thoughts of Zayn out of his head again, he was getting better at just forgetting him really-not really forgetting, more like casually overlooking-as he continued to pump Liam.

Liam asked if he could do the same to Niall and the boy agreed. The two lay there with their hands around each other’s cocks. They would tongue their mouths every so often, hot breath smelling of toothpaste and liquor mingled between them as their hands sped up the motions. Niall whimpered while Liam made small sounds in the back of his throat.

Liam got faster. Then Niall sped up. He flicked his wrist and felt bits of precum starting to leak out of Liam’s pulsing shaft. He knew he was leaking too. The bed slightly squeaked and the blankets ruffled as the two continued to jack each other off and Niall was at his breaking point, this was the first time he’d had an erection and any means to take care of it since that day with Zayn in the same bed over a month ago.

He couldn’t last. Liam’s hands were big and warm and soft and gripped him nicely and he shuddered muttering “Oh fuck” and came in his boxers and over Liam’s hand. The brown haired boy came shortly afterwards soaking his underwear and Niall’s hand. The two lay there, hands still wrapped around each other and hearts slowing down.

Liam kissed him softly, “You okay Niall?”

Niall nodded and bit his lip tasting Liam on them now. He slipped his hand out and got a wet rag to clean them both off then changed into dry underwear, Liam followed suit. The two crawled back into bed, sleepy from the alcohol and the post orgasm, they lay facing each other sharing small kisses back and forth and Niall was okay with this. It was comfort and companionship more than anything. He did like Liam but he wasn’t anywhere near loving him. He could try though.

“Hey, we can take this as slow as you want. No titles, no expectations. Just Niall and Liam okay?” Liam whispered into the dark. The room was cool and their bodies were warm.

“Okay.” He agreed. Niall and Liam sounded good. No promises and nothing to live up to.

XXXX

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Niall stirred.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

He opened his eyes wondering what the fuck that sound was. He saw his clock reading around four in the morning; Liam was curled behind him, his strong arm hanging slightly limp over his pale waist. He rolled slightly to look at him, slack jawed, eyes closed and he looked peaceful. Cute even. Yeah, Liam was cute.

Tap.

He looked at the window where another tap came from. He slowly peeled himself out of Liam’s grasp; he missed it already, the comfort and warmth. The feel of his chest against his back. Liam was beginning to be everything to him now, everything he could have that was allowed at least.

Tap. He noticed it was a small pebble hitting his window. He didn’t want it to be who he thought it might be but Niall really didn’t get anything he wanted lately. He spread the curtains and opened the window to the side and stuck his head out.

Fuck.

In his backyard, only lit by the half moon stood Zayn. His usual leather coat on and looking up towards the window. He smiled in relief seeing Niall answer him, at least that’s what Niall thought.

“Niall!” He whispered loud enough so the boy two stories above could hear him.

“Zayn! What the fuck are you doing here! Leave before someone wakes up!” He heatedly whispered again. That’s all Niall needed was for his father to wake up and investigate then see Zayn in his backyard. Under the cover of darkness he could’ve dragged the boy away and god knows what else.

“I had to see you. Why haven’t you returned any of my calls or anything? I don’t even see you at school, ever. I can guess what happened with your dad but baby please, don’t do this. We can be extra careful or-“

“Zayn, it’s over. Now go home before someone sees you.” He looked down and saw Zayn’s face harden slightly. If only he knew how much Niall’s heart-what was left of it-shattered and cracked a bit more having to be so cruel to him. But he had to hurt him to save him. Push him away so his father didn’t do anything to Zayn or himself.

“It can’t be over Ni, I love you and you know that.” He stepped closer to the house.

Liam stirred in the bed, “Who’s ya talking to Ni?”

“Shh, no one. Go back to sleep Liam.” He turned to see Liam with a soft smile on his face and rolling out of the bed mumbling about getting a drink.

He turned back to see Zayn with a disbelieving yet angry look on his face, through gritted teeth, “Who the fuck are you talking to?”

“No one Zayn, now go home. I’m sorry but we’re through. We can’t be together anymore.” He nearly choked on the last parts. He wanted nothing more than to have Zayn but he feared his father’s wrath and what that man would do to both of them.

Liam came back in-dressed like Niall with only boxers on-and peered out the window behind Niall and Zayn’s eyes widened and his jaw clenched in the moonlight, “Niall! Who the fuck is that!” His voice rose and it wasn’t a whisper this time.

“Zayn shut the fuck up! It’s none of your business now go home! Before someone hears you! Zayn please, just go.” His voice dropped at the end. He didn’t want Zayn to go and could only imagine what was going through Zayn’s mind at this point. He offered no explanation to Zayn, it hurt too much to tell the boy you loved you couldn’t be with him for fear of both their lives, so he took the coward’s way out. Did what his father wanted, pushed Zayn away, and the empty cracks Zayn left in his heart-more like canyons really-he tried to fill with Liam in hopes that maybe it’d help.

It wasn’t really.

He turned with Zayn sort of shouting his name and shut the window and closed the blinds. He was glad he didn’t look anymore because if he did then he’d see Zayn, with floods of tears running down his face and his voice thick with anguish.

Niall crawled in the bed and began to whimper, Liam held him tight and kissed his forehead, “Zayn?”

Niall nodded and fell asleep in Liam’s protective arms just begging for him to stop loving Zayn and fall for Liam already but he knew that was futile.

XXXX

The next month was boring to say the least. And painful as well. He had no friends besides Liam and Liam was technically his boyfriend now even though he’d never call him that. He was basically ignored by Harry and Louis in class and he was okay with that, it stung but he knew it was for the best, he still avoided Zayn at any cost and the routine was blasé but it worked.

His father was quite happy with Liam and Niall’s budding relationship, if you could even call it that, and he’d invite them out to dinners and movies and enjoy that his son had made the right choice in male suitors. Niall didn’t make it, he was forced into it. But as long as he or Zayn weren’t getting their lives beaten to within an inch of not existing he’d deal with it. He’d get over Zayn eventually, move on, and maybe feel a bit more towards Liam than he already did. He did like him enough and he could even say he loved him, but he wasn’t in love with Liam.

No, Zayn still had a hold on his heart and each day it hurt more and yet less with each beat. It hurt more because he pined, he moped, he dreamed of Zayn. But then it became less cause he didn’t see him, knew he was safe, and knew that Zayn would move on.

He really fucking hated his heart some days.

One Friday afternoon Niall was down in the dumps, he was in his usual funk and the only thing that could bring him out was Liam now, usually by a nice hand job or a cuddle. The two still hadn’t had sex or even shared a blowjob yet, Niall still wasn’t ready for something like that, Liam was perfect and never pushed on it.

Liam came into his room, “Love, we’re going to a party tonight. Get us out of the house and maybe meet some new people yeah?”

“You Li? A party?” Niall looked over from his game.

“Yes me and a party. I’m not that innocent.” Liam shrugged and sat behind Niall and massaged his shoulders.

“Okay Britney Spears.” He said with his head down, Liam had fantastic hands, working the knots from his shoulders and neck. Niall was always stressed and Liam was an angel to him.

“Sod off, no a cousin of a friend from school is throwing a party. Gonna be some of my classmates and some Uni students as well. Come on, lots of booze, we can dance if we’d like. I just want to get you out from these four walls for a night.” Liam kissed his neck and Niall brought a hand up to brush through his short hair.

Liam began kissing up his neck and bit his earlobe, “Liam jeeze. When you want something mate…” He trailed off, the supple lips of Liam and his stubble was rubbing him the right way. It still wasn’t as good as Zayn but he’d take this.

“So is that a yes?” Liam pulled away and fell into Niall’s lap smiling up at him. His shirt riding up showing off his happy trail all the way to his bellybutton. Niall twirled the hair there then tickled him slightly and leaned down to gently bring their lips together. He was getting better with Liam, could kiss him more easily, could do a lot than he could at the beginning, like actually pretend for a second that Zayn never existed, Louis and Harry were never his friends and all he ever had was Liam. It didn’t last for long but it didn’t hurt for those brief moments.

“Yeah, who’s it being thrown by?” Niall asked as Liam got up and picked up a controller pressing start to whoop Niall at Tekken.

“Um well my friend is Perrie, she’s really silly, and you’d like her. But uh, her cousin from Uni named Eleanor is throwing it at her house. Something about passing finals or sommat.” He picked his character and the fight began.

“Sounds good, when do we leave?” Niall asked as his character was repeatedly kicked to the floor. Liam was a beast at these games.

“I figured we shower and get changed around eight or nine?”

“Perfect, could use a drink anyway.” He cursed as he lost the round.

“Like you need an excuse to.” Liam nudged his shoulder and was rewarded with the game pausing and a chaste kiss to his lips. They both blushed turning back to the game where Liam won yet again.

XXXX

“Come on man, you’ve got to do something. All you ever do is go to school in hopes of seeing him which I can’t believe now is when you get the initiative to go to all your classes.” Louis sat next to Zayn on his couch in the basement as Harry rummaged upstairs in the fridge for snacks.

“I don’t want to do anything Lou.” His voice was low and conquered. All he could think of was Niall and how he just left his life without an explanation and then that night, that night he saw…that guy behind him. His stomach rolled thinking that someone had Niall like he had once before.

“Well you have to do something. I know you miss him mate but he left all of us, not just you.” Louis thanked Harry for his bag of crisps and soda.

“Yeah well you weren’t in a relationship with him for two fucking years now where you?” Zayn spat at them. Louis threw his arms up in surrender.

“Zayn, come with us. Gemma invited all of us you know, she likes you. I think she likes you more than Lou honestly.” Harry’s soothing voice and a large hand on the knee was what calmed Zayn a bit; the jibe at Louis was nice too.

“Hey! Gemma likes me just fine.” Louis grumbled and stuffed his face.

“She thinks you can be obnoxious babe, that’s all.” Harry spoke to him.

“Yeah, well…” Louis waved them off changing the channel.

“Come on Zayn, you can get drunk and maybe snog some random broad or something? Or just spend time with us. It won’t be as fun without you, think of it, a Uni party.” Harry’s wide smile was bright and his dimples popped out. Zayn could never resist those dimples. He didn’t think anyone would.

He sighed loudly, “Alright I’ll go. How did you get invited to a Uni party anyway Haz?”

“Well my sister Gemma is friends with the girl who’s throwing a party near here for passing her finals or sommat and the girl said to bring whoever, she didn’t care if we were in high school still since we’re about to graduate anyway. Some kids from that private school are gonna be there too as well.” He snuggled closer to Zayn to offer some unasked comfort.

“Oh yeah, what’s this girls name again, it is her party. Don’t want to be rude if we run into her.” Louis asked not looking away from the television.

“Gemma said her name was Eleanor.”

The three sat watching television and making small talk until it was time to get ready, they all climbed into Harry’s car and went off into the night with hopes of alcohol and dancing and fun. Zayn just hoped for a small distraction and a buzz.

XXXX

When Niall and Liam walked in the party it was thumping. Loads of bodies dancing together to some heavy bass, laughter and drinks littered the floors and Niall gripped Liam’s hand tighter than probably need be but he was nervous, he didn’t know anyone and he was definitely out of his comfort zone.

Liam pulled him to the kitchen where a few couples were busy snogging and poured them a couple drinks to lighten the mood; it worked after Niall’s third. He was feeling better, a bit giddy and Liam kept him occupied introducing him to his friends from school. He met the girl Eleanor who was throwing the party; she had said the two looked cute together then fluttered off to find her boyfriend.

An hour or two into the party Niall was feeling good, he had enough to drink to have a steady buzz and he was currently talking to Liam’s friend Perrie and this other girl in his class named Danielle. They were both stunning, Perrie with blonde hair with pink tips and Danielle had these amazing curls framing her face.

“So Liam, this is the infamous Niall you’re always talking about then?” Perrie looked Niall up and down the boy blushed hard.

“I don’t talk about him all the time, jeeze.” Liam knocked her shoulder with a soft fist.

“Don’t listen to him Niall, he does. Always talking about something you guys did together or something.” Danielle chimed in taking a swig of her drink.

“Aw Li, you been gushing about me.” Niall teased squeezing his hand making Liam’s eyes disappear when he smiled; Niall liked it when he did that.

“Yeah, you’re my best mate, of course I talk about you.” Nudging Niall’s shoulder, he looked over with honest brown eyes and licked his lips. Niall noticed and with the alcohol in his system, Liam there next to him, warm and comforting he leaned in and brought their lips together softly getting the two girls in front of them to “aw” quite loudly and put their hands over their chests.

His eyes fluttered closed as did Liam’s and their lips met in the crowded room. It was gentle and chaste but it spoke volumes of care.

XXXX

Zayn was drunk. Oh he was fucking wasted at this point. He had been chatting up some random people who were blatantly hitting on him, they were older than he was, and he really couldn’t be bothered by them. He just wanted another drink.

He had lost Harry and Louis about a half hour ago, they were more wasted than he was and probably snuck off to go fuck in one of the bedrooms upstairs leaving Zayn alone with his devices. He hadn’t moved from more than the kitchen to the one living room the entire time he’d been there, not really wanting to interact with more people or have people staring at him. Not tonight.

He was blocked from entering the kitchen through his usual entryway so decided to do a wrap around the house to acquire his liquor. He was snaking his way through some bodies when he heard a voice that sounded like home. It made his heart clench, his head swim and his pulse race.

That voice was Niall’s. Fuck. Niall was here.

He looked around to find him and through pushing more people out of his way getting a few curses thrown his way he saw him. He looked just as beautiful as he remembered. Blond hair and pale skin, his braces glinting as he smiled. Zayn warmed inside seeing him but that was quickly dashed seeing who he was with. He was with that guy, the guy from the window.

Niall was holding his hand like he used to with Zayn. He was talking to some random girls and holding this boy’s hand. He watched the two interact and saw Niall nudge the boy’s shoulder then lean in.

‘No. No. Please no.’ Zayn thought as Niall leaned in and brought his mouth against the other boy’s. The kiss wasn’t for very long but he saw both their eyes close and the boy’s lips against Niall’s The two girls they were talking to made this disgusting ‘aw’ and it was loud.

The boy with brown hair blushed pulling away as Niall winked at him-fucking winked-and Zayn’s blood boiled. That was HIS Niall. He’d be damned if this random guy with his stupid short brown hair and stupid broad build and stupid fucking face was going to kiss HIS Niall. He made his way over not being noticed with anger in his heart, venom in his muscles and hatred for one boy with brown eyes.

XXXX

“That had to be the cutest-“ Perrie started but was cut off by surprise as someone came up and pushed Liam into the wall and reared back socking him in the jaw. Niall had only a moment to turn and notice Liam wasn’t holding his hand and there was someone hitting him in the face. He smelled tobacco and spice and leather and the person hitting Liam had a leather coat on and jet black hair and…shit!

“ZAYN!” Niall cried out pulling Zayn away, the boy had gotten two good swings in, Liam’s nose was bloody and his eyes were clamped in pain. The boy in Niall’s arm struggled, “KISS MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND AGAIN AND YOU’RE DEAD MATE!”

They had more than a few eyes on the two as Niall dragged Zayn away and asked the girls grunting, trying to pull Zayn away, to please take care of Liam and he’d be right back. Niall felt bad because Liam didn’t do anything and yet Zayn was making him out to be the bad guy when it’d been Niall all along. Liam was just an innocent bystander who had helped Niall sort of forget about the boy he was struggling to control.

Niall finally got Zayn outside and pushed him onto the deck, thankfully empty, “Zayn! What the fuck are you doing!?”

Zayn was shaking with anger, he was pacing back and forth, his hands trembling lighting up a smoke, “What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck are you doing kissing him Ni? Who the fuck is he!?”

Niall gritted his teeth because he was angry, angry that Liam got hurt, angry that Zayn did something like that, angry at his father for the whole reason this fucking started. He was angriest with himself though, it was because of him that Zayn was acting this way, Liam got hurt and he was dying inside because of it. The pain of having to look at Zayn right now, wanting to hold him and kiss him was overwhelming but he repeated in his head over and over.

‘If you love something, let it go.’

“His name is Liam and I don’t appreciate you hitting him Zayn. I kissed him because I wanted to.” Niall was dark right now. He had to be cruel, had to be evil. Had to protect Zayn by hurting him again.

“I don’t give a fuck what his bloody name is, why the fuck are you kissing him! You just leave me with no explanation of why we’re through, you come back to school after your dad beat the shit out of you, avoid me and your best mates and now you’re with this twat?” He pointed through the sliding glass door where it seemed no one knew what was going on outside.

“Zayn, I told you to leave me alone. That’s all I want is for you to leave me alone. Just go away and get over me.” Niall’s resolve was breaking. Even though he was obviously angry, he could see that Zayn was confused, bewildered and hurt. Niall did that and he was not proud of it either.

“Get over you? GET OVER YOU! Niall I fucking love you, I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember and you’re gone for two weeks and somehow I’m supposed to leave? I can’t leave. You think I can just take the heart that you still have a hold of and bury it away and fucking forget! I can’t forget Niall!” Tears were starting to streak his olive cheeks and wet his stubble. Niall almost-almost-reached out to wipe them away but he had to stay strong right now. He had to protect Zayn from what could happen.

“You have to Zee, you have to forget me and move on.” Niall turned around because he couldn’t face him anymore and gripped the edge of the railing. If Liam wasn’t already hit and in pain Niall might have hit him just for bringing him to this party tonight. He was supposed to have a good time and maybe forget Zayn a little more but that didn’t happen, now Zayn surrounded him and he couldn’t escape. He was turned violently around and met with Zayn’s eyes blazing, “Two years Niall. Two sodding years and you expect me to throw them away like they meant nothing? They were the best two years of my life because they were spent with you.” His voice cracked on the last word.

Niall bit his lip and forced himself not to cry. Not tonight.

“When your Nan died.” Zayn was there. “When my sister got really sick.” Niall was there for him. “The falling out Lou and Haz had and we got them back together.” That was trying for the two of them. “All that and more we went through together Ni, everything. It was all worth it because at the end of the day I could call you mine and now you won’t even look at me.” Zayn was crying now. Fat sobs echoing around the back yard.

“LOOK AT ME!” He wailed and Niall brought his blue eyes up, they were stinging now and threatened to bubble over. Zayn crashed their lips together and forced his tongue into Niall’s mouth, he practically became a puddle feeling that tongue in his mouth. Tasted like mint and tobacco and alcohol and everything Niall had been missing for two long, painful months.

But he couldn’t falter now. He had to get out. The thought of his father finding Zayn if he knew what was happening pulled him away from the kiss, “Zayn stop.”

“Tell me you don’t love me.” Zayn’s voice was firm yet slightly scratchy cause of the crying.

“Zayn please, I have to go.” He pulled away but Zayn had a tight grip on the front of his shirt.

“Niall, tell me you don’t love me anymore.”

Niall whimpered and the tears came, he became frantic and finally got out of the grasp and quickly made his way near the door but Zayn grabbed him and spun him around again, “Tell me you don’t love me anymore!” Zayn was crying again.

Niall looked down cause out of all the things he had done to Zayn, he couldn’t do that. He had lied over and over again but that was something he couldn’t lie about. Not even if his life depended on it. He loved Zayn, was gone for him within the first week of meeting him and each day made it stronger and stronger. He’d never tell Zayn something like that so he unhooked Zayn’s fingers from his arm slowly, still not looking up at him and whispered, “I’m sorry Zee.”

He turned and took off into the house to find Liam and get the fuck out of there. He found him in the downstairs bathroom holding his nose up with tissue in it. The red was bright and vivid, “Li, we have to go.”

“Okay.” He said, his voice sounding weird with his nose plugged up. Liam drove-he hadn’t had a drink that night-and they stayed silent in the car. Niall’s head was everywhere thinking about what happened and how broken Zayn looked. He kept hearing him say it again.

‘Tell me you don’t love me.’

The tears finally came forth in the driveway as Liam pulled in. Liam led his friend up the stairs, practically carrying him and setting him in the bed. He held Niall as he wailed into his chest that lasted for what had to be hours.

When it slowed down and Niall sobered up he looked up to see the bloody tissue still in Liam’s nose, “Oh Liam I’m so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. This is all my fault.”

Liam smiled at him, “It’s okay Niall, he loves you. He’s going to lash out. Doesn’t even hurt anymore.”

“How are you so fucking perfect?” Niall wiped his eyes and caressed Liam’s cheek, the boy leaned in to the touch. Niall was so thankful Liam was here but he had to say something. He couldn’t keep doing this to Liam, maybe giving him the idea that Niall was going to be more to him.

“Liam, I-look I really do like you, you’re one of my best mates, well the only one I have now, but I can’t keep doing this to you. Stringing you along and all and it’s not fair-“

“I understand.” Liam said with a small smile and he did the sweetest thing. He kissed Niall on the forehead, the blond relaxed and thanked the heavens he had a friend like Liam in his life.

“Like I said before, no expectations or promises. Just Liam and Niall yeah? I know you need to get over Zayn. You may not be my boyfriend but you’re still my best friend and I’m okay with that.”

Niall breathed a sigh of relief. Liam was really perfect, he was. But he wasn’t Zayn so he wasn’t that perfect, at least not to Niall.

“Let’s sleep.” Liam opened his arms to Niall again and the two fell into the mattress, still fully clothed, and fell asleep faster than either had thought possible.

XXXX

Louis and Harry knocked on the Malik’s door, a bright Saturday morning and they had a bone to pick. The two were slightly hungover, Louis more so, and they had to catch a ride from Eleanor’s house that morning from her since Zayn just left them high and dry so they-Louis mainly-were about to bitch him out and ask him what the fuck happened.

Zayn’s mum answered the door, “Oh hello boys, are you here for Zayn then?”

“Uh yeah actually, was he expecting us?” Louis looked confused. He figured Zayn was still asleep cause next to Niall; Zayn loved sleep almost as much.

“Well no, but he’s been crying all morning and won’t let any of us in. I don’t know if he locked the door but being shouted at so much to go away I wasn’t going to push it. Maybe you two could help?” She looked desperate. A mother to hear her child in pain was heartbreaking but she wasn’t what her son needed right now.

“Yeah, sure thing.” Harry gave her a reassuring smile and hugged her as did Louis then made the beaten path up to Zayn’s room. Halfway up the stairs they could hear him wailing and muttering to himself. The two looked at each other and figured this had to be Niall related. Everything was Niall related when it came to Zayn.

Louis knocked gently and got a shout of “FUCK OFF!” in response.

“Zayn, it’s Louis and Harry. What’s wrong?” He asked softly not knowing if the boy beyond the wood could hear him. He figured he didn’t since he got no response but more sobbing. Louis turned the handle gently and realized it wasn’t locked then slowly opened the door. It reeked of alcohol and smoke in the room as the two slowly entered, they turned the corner past his closet to see Zayn standing there looking out the window, he had a huge bottle of rum in his hand and his cheeks were puffy and eyes were bloodshot.

The boy brought the bottle to his lips and grimaced taking a large swig of it. “Zayn?” Louis asked softly and Zayn jumped with wide eyes and turned.

“FUCK OFF!” He yelled at them waving both his hands around. His beater was covered in what looked like vomit, his room was completely trashed, bedding and papers strewn about the floor. The liquor sloshed in the bottle in his hand, they looked to see his other hand holding something.

Something shiny, black and struck fear in them. A gun.

“Zayn? What-what are you doing love?” Louis asked glancing a look at Harry who shared the same fearful realization.

“He couldn’t say it. He-he kissed that guy, that Liam fucker. He-Niall-I-Oh god!” Zayn had new sobs to accompany him now and he brought the gun up to his head scratching near his temple where the hairline was. He began pacing scratching the barrel against his skin then lowered the gun and brought the bottle back to his lips and grimaced again and coughed slightly.

He looked like he hadn’t slept, in his tight beater you could see how much weight Zayn had loss over the past two months, his collarbones were sharp and his cheeks sunken in and he had bags under his eyes, dark circles signifying the boy had only maybe one night’s sleep since.

“Zayn, come on. Tell us what happened.” Harry spoke calmly. He knew to keep him talking, keep him from remembering the pistol in his hand.

“He was there last night, I saw-saw Niall kissing that guy. He was-he left me. He won-won-won’t tell me why!” He gripped the gun tighter in his hand. His finger wasn’t on the trigger but it was close enough.

“Zayn, where did you get the gun?” Louis asked him.

“It’s my dad’s and I’m gonna-I’m gonna blow my fucking brains out!” His knees buckled and he fell into his desk chair.

“Zayn love, come on. Don’t be rash right now. What happened at the party?” Harry had to keep him talking. When Zayn slumped forward, his hands coming up to his forehead to cradle his head, the gun in one hand, the bottle in the other, Harry leaned over to Louis and quietly whispered, “Get him now.”

Louis knew who he was talking about and quickly moved from the room and closed the door behind him. He flew down the stairs to see Zayn’s mom sitting there with a tissue under her nose, “What’s wrong? Is he alright?”

“I can’t explain. I have to get Niall!” He flew from the house and thankfully he had Harry’s keys on him. He started the car and peeled out of the driveway to get Niall whether he wanted to or not. He just hoped Harry could keep him calm enough until Niall got there.

Back in Zayn’s room, Harry had kneeled down and scooted somewhat closer to Zayn, not enough to grab him but close enough he could tackle him if need be. Zayn stayed crying, the ugliest sounds escaping his mouth, he drooled onto the carpet and tears mixed in as well. Harry stayed staring at the chamber of the gun that was pointed upwards and he spoke softly, “Tell me what happened last night.”

Zayn sat back and huffed out a breath that would seem he was calming down but then his face crumpled again, “I hit that guy. I saw Ni-Niall kissing him and I snapped. I just started hitting him but then he-he dragged me away and asked me what I was do-doing.” Zayn was scratching his head with the gun again.

Harry was sweating.

“We started fighting and I asked him why he left me, I know what happened to him after-after his dad caught us. That-that motorbike was bullshit, he’s never even seen one. His dad beat the shit out of him and he couldn’t even look at me. He wouldn’t look at me Haz!” Zayn’s voice was shrill and hoarse from his wailing.

“Go on.” Harry pushed him. Keep him talking. Keep him talking.

“He told me to leave! ME! LEAVE! To go away and forget about him! I can’t fucking for-forget him! I love him Harry, I fucking love him so much and he just-he just left me! I kissed him and I thought that maybe-maybe he would come back but he pulled away!”

Zayn’s finger got closer to the trigger, it was pointing nearer to his ear, and he swigged more liquor from the bottle.

“Zayn please put the gun down.” Harry pleaded with him; a few tears fell from his eyes because he’d never seen Zayn this upset ever. Not enough to take his own life.

“No! He couldn’t tell me! He couldn’t say it!” His arms went wide and Harry was thankful because now the barrel was nowhere near his head. Stalling for time he kept talking, praying that Louis would get Niall in time. “Say what love? What couldn’t Niall say?”

“I told him-I told him to tell me he didn’t love me. I said it three times and he just said he was sorry and ran! He couldn’t tell me!” Zayn broke into sobs again.

“Well that’s good isn’t it? He didn’t say it Zayn, he still loves you.” Harry cooed to him, hoping to give his broken friend something to be hopeful for.

“Well he’s not here! He’s with that guy! He left me and didn’t even tell me why?! WHY HARRY WHY?!” His hand braced the side of his head, looking like he was trying to block out anything from entering his ears. He rocked back and forth making the desk chair squeak in protest muttering “why” under his breath over and over.

‘Where the fuck are you Lou?’ He thought watching his friend come undone and they were running out of time.

XXXX

Niall was awoken by his door slamming open; he sat up, Liam following the motion to Louis looking manic, “Get the fuck up! NOW! WE HAVE TO GO!”

He stalked over and pulled Niall out of the bed with Liam following, “Don’t know who the fuck you are but you can fuck off.” He spat in Liam’s direction. The boy recoiled. Niall pulled his wrist out of Louis’ grasp, “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Niall, I don’t care what happened between me, you and Haz, although we deserve one fuck of an explanation but it’s Zayn. He’s got a gun and threatening to blow his head off because of you and whoever the fuck this is.” He motioned to Liam who looked guiltier by the second.

“Zayn.” Niall whispered.

“Yeah. Zayn, he’s fucking plastered and he’s got a gun saying he’s gonna blow his brains out. Let’s GO!” He grabbed Niall while Liam followed, Louis noticed, “Oi! You! You can fuck right off, this doesn’t concern you.”

Liam stopped dead in his tracks.

Niall stopped as well, “Lou, he’s coming. I want him there.”

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? HE’S PART OF THE REASON HE WANTS TO DIE RIGHT NOW!” Louis yelled in the foyer of their house making the glass rattle.

“And he’ll be part of the reason he doesn’t do it.” Niall spoke calmly and defiantly. Zayn was in trouble and threatening to end his life but Niall was somehow calm about this. He knew Zayn, knew that as soon as he was in sight the boy would be alright.

“Ugh fine! But we don’t have much time. Looks like he’s been up all night drinking.”

The three fell into the car and took off towards Zayn’s house. Niall was praying that he wasn’t too late. He knew what had to be done. He couldn’t stay away from Zayn anymore, his father be damned. Niall was dying slowly every day missing his ‘Zee’ and now the boy wanted to end his life because Niall was too much of a coward to do anything and stand up to his father.

Today was the day he was brave. He’d be brave for himself and for Zayn. He thought hurting him, pushing him away would save him. It hadn’t. It done the opposite and now Niall knew how to save Zayn.

The three walked in the door, Mrs. Malik jumped up, “Niall! Where have you been? Zayn said that you-“

“I know I’m sorry, I’m here to fix it. I promise!” Niall called to her as the three ascended the stairs. Niall could hear Zayn. Hear him wailing and it broke what was left of his heart because that was his doing. Yet again.

Louis slowly opened the door and Niall and Liam were bombarded with the same smell Louis and Harry were, booze and smoke. He could hear Zayn muttering “why” over and over as Louis beckoned them in. Niall gasped seeing the state of the room making Zayn’s head shoot up and eyes widen.

He looked like hell. His eyes bloodshot and wet, skin was red and puffy, his clothes were filthy and there was the gun in his hand. He was sitting in the chair with Harry near him on his knees; he saw Harry look like he breathed a sigh of relief and nodded to the blond. He’d deal with his friends later.

He slowly stepped towards him but saw Zayn’s eyes go over his shoulder staring daggers at Liam.

“You son of a bitch!” He jumped up pointing the gun but Niall was fast enough he stood in front of Liam’s trembling form.

“Zayn. No.”

Zayn’s face crumpled and started crying again in disbelief.

“He’s only here cause I wanted him to be. To show you we’re not together. Liam’s only my friend.”

“Yeah I’m not his-“

“Liam!” Niall raised his voice and his hand to stop the boy from talking. No one needed to talk but Niall right now.

“Then why were you kissing him huh? Why was he in your bed that night?!” Zayn wailed and started rubbing the gun on the side of his head wiping his eyes. Those big brown pools were tired and lazily scanning the ground.

“Because I needed Liam. That’s why.” He spoke soothingly with him still in front of Liam to protect him. Harry and Louis stood off to the side watching the whole ordeal.

“WHY NOT ME! I NEEDED YOU NI! YOU JUST LEFT! YOU LEFT ME FOR HIM!” He pointed the gun at Liam again but Niall stayed put.

“Zee,” he figured using the nickname in his special tone would calm him slightly, it did, “I didn’t leave you for him. I promise you, I didn’t leave you for Liam. None of this is his fault, that’s why he’s here so you can know that.”

“Then why Niall!? Why did you leave me! I love you and you just told me to forget! I can’t forget what we ha-had.” The past tense making him hiccup and cry some more trying to let his tongue form the word.

“Zayn put the gun down.”

“NO!”

“Zayn please put the gun down.”

“NO NIALL! YOU DON’T LOVE ME ANYMORE AND YOU CAN’T EVEN SAY IT! JUST SAY IT SO I CAN DIE IN PEACE!” He was becoming hysterical, the gun pointed straight to his temple. Niall walked forward cautiously as the three others were tense in fear. The room’s atmosphere was palpable with emotion and unease.

“I do love you.” He spoke slowly. Zayn’s hand holding the gun was trembling in his hand, “I’ve always loved you and nothing’s changed. I can’t stop loving you Zee, never could.”

Zayn started whimpering, “Then why did you leave me?”

“You were right Zee, it was my dad who did that. I only told Liam about it.” Brown eyes from Zayn darted to Liam and he scowled.

“No! Don’t blame him. Nothing was his fault. But yeah, after that day my dad beat me up. He told me to never see you again.” Zayn whined at the confession still holding the gun to his head but the barrel was leaning upwards, Zayn’s elbow dropping slightly.

“He told me that you were no good and a bad person and I stood up to him telling him that you weren’t. I told him that you weren’t what people thought you were. I told him I loved you and then he started hitting me.”

Zayn winced hearing Niall’s admittance and his body shook. Zayn looked like a frightened animal, small and fragile and absolutely terrified as Niall edged closer with each sentence, “I told him we’d been together for two years and he jumped on me and beat me until I passed out. Zayn, please listen to me okay?” Zayn nodded.

“The only reason I pushed you away was to save you. He threatened both of us if I ever spoke to you again, that’s why he was picking me up after school, that’s why I couldn’t go anywhere. He took my phone, my computer, everything. He told me if he ever found out we were together he’d come after you, I couldn’t have him hurt you baby. That’s why I did all that, to save you, keep you safe.”

Niall turned to face Louis and Harry, “That’s why I pushed you lot away as well. He told me to stay away from you because you know Zayn. I’m really sorry, you know I love you both.”

The two nodded and motioned with their heads to go back to Zayn. Niall stepped closer, “Zayn, I haven’t stopped loving you, I honestly couldn’t if I tried. You did nothing wrong and I’m sorry I didn’t give you an answer why but I am now. Can you please forgive me Zee? I only did what I thought was best to keep you safe. I couldn’t bear to think of him hurting you. I’ll let him hurt me before he ever lays a finger on you.” Niall was close enough he could smell Zayn completely. There was the sick on his shirt, the booze on his breath but he still smelled the same. Leather, spices, a hint of mint and tobacco.

“You-you still love me?” He stuttered out lowering the gun slowly in his hand and the bottle in the other. Niall stepped forward and removed the bottle from his hand and set it on the desk behind him. Niall pressed their chests together and put his hands on either one of Zayn’s shoulders, they were trembling and whispered, “I still love you.”

He connected their lips in something so soft that Zayn whimpered and a few more tears fell from his eyes, Niall pushed his tongue into the boy’s mouth and began to massage the pink muscle with his own. Zayn trembled where he stood as Niall’s hands ran down his arms and finally found purchase on the gun, “Let go baby. Let it go.” He whispered between their conjoined mouths and Zayn finally lost his grip on the gun. He wrapped his arms around Niall and kissed him hard, his tongue working overdrive, licking every corner of Niall’s mouth.

One of Niall’s arms was wrapped around Zayn’s frame while the other held the gun behind him waiting for someone to take it. Louis did and quickly exited the room with Harry and Liam in tow. They shut the door as the kiss became more heated and the two fell onto the bed.

Niall kept whispering “I love you” whenever he could catch his breath and they only came up for air when it was absolutely necessary and their lips were puffy and sore. They lay there staring at each other, Zayn had officially calmed down and sobered up a bit as Niall was dragging his fingertips up and down his arm, Zayn began to speak, “So your dad was why that happened? It wasn’t me?”

“No Zee, it was never you.” He gingerly kissed him again. Fuck it felt good to feel those lips against his once more.

“Ni, can I ask you something?” He chewed his cheek.

“Anything baby.”

Zayn looked apprehensive and began to stutter a bit, “That guy uh, Liam, well did you guys, well I mean have you-“

“Do you want the truth Zayn?” Niall’s eyes were boring into big brown ones that looked scared of the answer but he nodded.

“We never slept together. We did kiss and give each other a handjob once and a while but that’s it. Nothing more. He was really understanding, he knows how much I loved you and still do. It’s only ever been you.” He kissed Zayn again. The boy next to him seemed to deflate in happiness. Then he pulled away, “Well how was it, the uh, ya know?”

“Nowhere near as good as you Zayn. Nothing will be ever as good as you.” He kissed him one more time.

Soon enough Niall had talked Zayn into taking a shower and him, Harry, Louis and even Liam helped clean up the room. Liam wasn’t really welcomed at first in the process but Niall played peace keeper and after explaining everything that had gone down his two friends did warm up to him. Zayn came in after an almost hour long shower-Niall had told him to imagine washing away the last two months-and saw his room tidy and neat like it was before. He stared at Liam as the boy squirmed under his gaze.

“Zayn, he did nothing wrong but be there for me. I really want you to be friends cause he’s become one of my best mates. Can you please try?” He asked him nicely and since Niall was finally back, Zayn would do anything for Niall, he said he’d try.

The three other boys left as Niall and Zayn fell into the bed, Zayn looking much better than he had before and extremely tired seeing as he’d been up all night and it was now nearing the evening time. They lay in bed making plans. Niall could never leave Zayn again, it hurt him to think about it again and since Zayn had nearly taken his own life, he knew he’d never be able to.

He wasn’t trapped by guilt, he was trapped by his heart that Zayn was piecing together each moment spent with him. After Zayn had fallen asleep Niall slipped out of the bed, it was around dinner time when he came downstairs and he pulled Mr. & Mrs. Malik to the side. He explained his situation to them, all that happened in the two months since then-he decided to skip over the suicide attempt, Harry had successfully returned the gun without anyone aware-and asked if he could maybe stay with them.

Mrs. Malik started to cry and hug him close saying he was always welcome, Niall had made their Zayn happier than he’d ever been in his short life and that was more than enough for him to stay. He planned on returning to his home the next day to retrieve his things and move in with Zayn, as he was grabbing a bite to eat since he hadn’t really eaten at all that day he heard Zayn yelling upstairs, “NIALL! NIALL!”

He sounded panicked and Niall flew up the stairs to see Zayn in bed with his hair an absolute adorable mess and his eyes wide and bottom lip nibbled raw. He came in the room quickly sitting on the bed, “I’m here baby, I’m here. It’s okay.” He shushed him and pulled the boy into his chest.

“M’sorry, I thought you left again. Or I was dreaming or something. You’re not leaving right?” He clung to Niall and he had never seen his boyfriend so desperate and cling to him like a lifeline. He kissed the top of his head, his hair soft and clean, “No, I’m never leaving again. I’m here. Your parents said it was okay, tomorrow we’re going to get my things and I’ll be here every day okay?”

Zayn nodded as Niall lay him back down, “You go back to sleep. I promise I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Zayn looked a little sad and disbelieving. Niall kissed him hard and stuck his tongue into his mouth, at first it was heavy and passionate then turned into something demure and slow and concrete. A silent promise forged by their bodies.

“I’ll be here when you wake up.” Before Niall even closed the door to go back downstairs-he was fucking starving-Zayn was out like a light.

He was in fact there when Zayn woke up in the early morning. His pale arms wrapped around Zayn’s bare torso, the raven haired boy linked their fingers together and squeezed, Niall in his sleep pulled him closer and Zayn drifted off in warmth surrounded by his boyfriend once more.

When the two finally woke up together it was Niall first. He saw Zayn looking peaceful and calm and brushed his cheek with his knuckles making the boy’s eyes flutter open and meet blue above him.

“Hi.” Niall whispered to him. Zayn responded the same and the boy above brought their lips down to meet once more.

He thought to himself, ‘If you love something let it go.’ Then he remembered how the rest of that saying went. ‘If you love something let it go, if it comes back it's yours.’

He let him go because he loved him. He didn’t think he’d be the one coming back but he did.

XXXX

The next day as promised it was Mr. & Mrs. Malik driving Zayn and Niall to Niall’s home. Liam, Louis and Harry all in the car behind them. They figured strength in numbers so that’s what they decided to do especially seeing as Mrs. Malik was going to protect all the babies, she considered Louis, Harry and Niall like her own. Liam was becoming one as well in the short time he was around, only a day and she had gone maternal on him as well.

They arrived at the house and Niall and Zayn walked into the house with the rest of the group behind them, Harry and Louis holding hands, Liam behind them and the Malik’s on the rear. Niall’s father came in through the hallway, “Ah Niall there you-what the fuck is this? And what the fuck is he doing here?” He pointed at Zayn. Mr. Malik’s eyebrows raised high on his head.

“Well dad, since you don’t approve of me and Zayn together, I’m getting my things and leaving.”

“Like hell you are, my son isn’t leaving with this trash.” He turned slightly red.

“Excuse me? You want to say that again about my son?” Mrs. Malik stepped forward. No one messed with her babies. That’s when Niall’s mother came into view, “Dear, what’s wrong?”

“Well it seems our Niall is going to leave us for this Zayn and go and move in with his family.”

“Niall?” She turned to him with wide sad eyes.

“I’m sorry mum but I love him, “ Zayn squeezed his hand, “and I can’t live without him. If it’s choosing between him and this,” he motioned around the house, “then I choose him.”

“You’d abandon your mother and I for him?” He was seething and both the Malik’s were now in front of the group of boys.

“I’m not abandoning anyone. You’re letting me leave. You almost killed me because you don’t approve of the person I love and I’ll be damned if I’m kept away from him any longer.” Niall stood his ground, the extra back up was what made him be able to face his father again. He needed their support. He walked up the stairs with Zayn in hand as the others stayed in a faceoff between the Horans, he could hear his mother crying.

Once in the room there was a scramble, Niall fished out his two suitcases tossing his clothes, some pictures, anything that had sentimental value. Zayn spoke quickly, “Baby are you sure about this? I don’t want to be a homewrecker or anything.”

“This home was wrecked when he didn’t let me love you Zee.” He quickly kissed him and zipped his bag closed. It looked almost like he didn’t live there. The Xbox and games he didn’t care about-Zayn had them anyway-the random posters were replaceable, everything in the room at this very moment he could live without or replace.

Except for Zayn. That’s what he could never replace or live without. Quickly grabbing his guitar, slipped his phone in his pocket and computer in his bag they descended the stairs. Zayn had the guitar and one suitcase while Niall had the other. Guessing that nothing else was happening he saw Liam, Harry and Louis outside with only the Malik’s ushering Niall out.

“Dad, I love you, you know I do and I’m willing to forgive you for what you did to me. But this is your last chance, accept that Zayn and I are together or I’m gone.”

His father stood defiant. Arms crossed. His mother pleaded with him but he wouldn’t budge. The Malik’s looked at Niall’s mother sadly, she was in tears. She grabbed around Niall’s neck begging him not to go but Niall had made up his mind and this was it, he was done.

“Dad?”

He got no response.

“Fine, it’s a shame you choose your pride and prejudices over your only son. Mum I’ll keep in touch. Dad, have a nice life. Alone.” He turned and walked out of the life he once had.

On the car ride home he broke down and sobbed into Zayn’s chest while the Malik’s drove him to his new home with Zayn and their family.

“He didn’t even try to fight for me. To at least accept us.” Niall cried and whimpered in Zayn’s arms as the boy kissed his blond locks.

Mrs. Malik turned around, “Ni love, I know we’re not your parents but know this, parents love their children. He’ll come around eventually but until then we’ll be there for you. No matter what you need.” She offered him the “mom” smile and he calmed at that. He could live as long as he had Zayn. Mr. Malik agreed with his wife from the driver’s side.

XXXX

Niall and Zayn both graduated high school, Zayn actually had honors. No one but Niall, Louis and Harry knew how but he did. After school they got odd jobs to save up money and soon enough they moved out of the Malik household into a flat near where Zayn and Niall went to Uni, thankfully the same school.

Zayn took web design and art classes while Niall took business and psychology.

Niall did in fact keep in touch with his mother, they talked at least once a week, he asked about his father, it was the usual with him really. He had been going through therapy shortly after Niall had left and was getting better, slowly but surely. They exchanged Christmas and birthday cards, Niall even sent one to his father every year.

Niall had in fact forgiven his father for what he did and now it was a dusty memory that never reared its ugly head because it was unnecessary and had no merit to think of. As the years in Uni went on, life went on as well. Harry and Louis stayed the same and stayed together. Liam soon befriended all of them and was a regular in their lives and soon enough he brought his own boyfriend, Josh, into the mix and the last year of Uni it was the constant of six of them.

They laughed, drank, danced, made love-only the couples together of course-and lived their lives accordingly. After graduating school Zayn got a job at a website designing layouts and programs for them while Niall went to work as a manager for a catering company. Adult life was hard but the two kept it together because they still had each other. Neither brought up what had happened all those years ago ever again.

They moved into an actual home in between both their jobs, Liam and Josh had moved actually a few blocks away and Harry and Louis only a half hour drive. The six friends were still inseparable after all this time and a few years later it was the four of them separated and flanking Zayn and Niall.

The two grooms said their vows and slipped rings on their fingers in front of colleagues, other friends and families as well. It was thirteen years together now and both of them at twenty eight tied the knot.

At the reception Niall had left Zayn’s side-as hard as it was on this day-to go to the bar to refresh their drinks. He was stopped by a woman in a lovely dress and a kind smile and familiar eyes.

His mom. It’d been almost ten years since he’d seen her last.

“Mum.” He flew into her arms as she started to weep.

“Oh my baby, all grown up and married. Oh I’m so proud of you. Your in laws invited us and I couldn’t miss it could I?”

“Us?” Niall looked confused with his suit coat off and tie loose around his neck.

“Hello son.” He whipped around to see his dad, he still looked the same but his eyes seemed softer, his demeanor was nicer and his hair was graying.

“Hi.” He said stiffly. This was the first time in ten years he’d even spoke to him. He stuck out his hand to shake but his father clasped it but pulled his son in for a crushing embrace, “I’m so sorry Niall. For everything, I’m so very sorry.”

Niall patted his back awkwardly and the man released him wiping his eyes, “You’re a grown man now. I’m just, I’m so proud of you Niall. Mr. & Mrs. Malik told me how well you and Zayn were doing.”

“Hey babe, I was wondering what-“ Zayn came up and clasped Niall’s hand not paying attention to who was around them but abruptly stopped seeing Niall’s parents there. His mother was wiping her eyes and his father had a strange smirk on his face.

“Hello Zayn.” His father put out his hand and Zayn shook it looking at him sternly. “I know we’ve never been on the best of terms but I wanted to come by and say congratulations and that I’m really happy for you. I truly am.” He was sincere with his words.

“Uh thank you Mr. Horan.”

“Nah, call me dad.” He pulled Zayn in for a hug making him squeak. Niall never heard Zayn squeak before, it was pretty cute.

“Now let me get to know my son in law yeah?” He looked at his wife and son. Zayn looked scared and looked to Niall for help, the now brunette stepped forward and brought their lips together-with Mr. Horan’s arm on his shoulder-and he didn’t even flinch. He actually smiled hard.

“Oh you two are so cute. Come on Zayn.” He pulled Zayn away and they sat at the bar.

“Should I be worried?” Niall looked to his mother who had aged gracefully in ten years.

“No, he’s fine. He finally got used to the idea of you and Zayn and how much you two belonged to each other. Therapy helped. Also me threatening him helped as well. He really is happy for you two, honest to God.”

“Thanks mum.” He hugged her again and the two watched as Zayn and his new father in law were laughing, actually laughing at the bar then came back over carrying two drinks. The Horan’s cheered the new couple and set about sitting at the parent’s table.

The Malik’s and Horan’s talked and reconciled-Niall figured they didn’t really need to since Zayn’s parents invited his, a nice surprise actually-and the reception went on. Throughout the night there was laughter and jokes told and drinks consumed and dancing, dancing, dancing.

At one point with Zayn dancing with Niall’s mother, a slow song came on sending Mr. Horan flying to the dance floor, “Oi Zayn! You already got one Horan, let me have my wife!” He laughed as the two separated. Niall watched as his parents began to dance and gaze into each other’s eyes.

A thought popped into his head, ‘If you love something let it go, if it comes back it's yours.’

He had let his parents go but they came back.

He heard a low voice in his ear, “May I have this dance Mr. Malik?”

He turned to see Zayn, hair a perfect mess, eyes shining and top of his shirt buttons undone, he had his sleeves rolled up showing off the multiple tattoos he gained over the years and Niall felt a pull in his chest because this man in front of him was his forever now.

“Yes you may.” He giggled as he was lead by the hand onto the floor. Among the people dancing were Liam and Josh, Harry and Louis, the Horans, and the Malik parents.

In the middle under a soft spotlight were the newest Malik’s, Zayn and Niall; Niall with his head on Zayn’s shoulder and Zayn holding him tightly against his chest and kissing his cheek softly, they all swayed to the slow beat off in their own worlds.

‘If you love something let it go, if it comes back it's yours.’

Niall had let go of things in his life that he loved. And in the end they all came back one way or another.


End file.
